My Life – Above Ground

While stuffing my face yesterday, listening and watching my family around the table, the memories of spending past holidays far away from these same family members and friends – onboard the USS SEMMES and USS NICHOLAS in the late ’80s and early ’90s flooded my mind.  How I would daydream about my future life.

I distinctly remember one year during the Holiday season - I believe it was 1989.  Standing, or rather swaying back & forth – on the bow of the SEMMES, sea water spraying across my face and gazing into the dark water that is the North Atlantic, asking myself the self-examining question - where will I be in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years?  What will I be doing?  Where will I live?  How will I spend those future holidays?   

I’m sure you’ve done something like this too… daydream about what’s next.  What will be. 

In hindsight, I look back at all of the places I’ve been… all of the people that I’ve had the pleasure to spend the holidays with – the vast diversity of experiences:  from having a Cuban Thanksgiving in Panama, to having an authentic Italian Christmas in Santa Barbara, to being Santa Claus for over 100 kids at an orphanage in Los Angeles, to having my first Filipino Christmas in Eagle Rock, to deep-frying a Turkey in Long Beach, to having a Tennessee Thanksgiving in Wyoming, to having a family Thanksgiving vacation in Oklahoma… I never could have daydreamed any of that.  My reality has been better than my dreams.

It’s not so much about what’s next, rather, what has been… at least as it relates to the holidays.  I’ve truly lived a full life so far… for that, I’m grateful.

As I write this, I sit in a comfortable office chair, which I’m using only because the old one became tattered and old.  I’m looking at the screen of a laptop that was replaced a few months ago as a result of it only being newer than the last. I’m wearing clothes – all less than one year old, that have replaced, again, old and tattered ones. 

Consumers.  We can all carry that label.  Like rabid animals, we consume everything in front of us – only to throw away things once they’ve reached our own personal use lifecycle. 

I’m someone who considers himself a bit of a stodgy user of aging stuff… but I – like 99.99999% of Americans are the same.  We seemingly can’t help ourselves.  It’s like we’re addicted to stuff.  Newer.  Better. Brighter.  Longer-lasting.  [Insert clever marketing adjective here].

What type of personal and societal culture has this created though?  You can say that it’s the whole ‘keepin’ up with the Joneses’ disease, but I submit that it’s much deeper than that.  I believe underneath it all is a sense of entitlement. 

We may not say it out loud, but “I deserve” is something that many of us feel… deep down.  Think about it.  For example, what happens when the electricity goes out in your home?  When it happens, the first words out of most folks’ mouths are “Come on, when are they going to have this back on!  I need my electricity!  How can they do this to me?!”  We feel like we deserve it.  And this example is only a drop in a very large and deep bucket. 

While it has a great end result, the process of honestly defining ones needs versus ones wants is hard, huh?  Who wants to give up things for which they are accustomed to having?  I lump myself into this too - I think most of us have our needs and wants a bit skewed at the moment.  The current state of the economy is a vibrant depiction of this state of the being, if you will. 

Here’s another example – I helped my dad build a house when I was young.  Times were a bit tough… with building a new home, running a small business and trying to keep 3 kids and a wife fed, clothed, etc.  Well, if we bent one nail when building our home, we couldn’t just keep reaching for a new nail… we straightened the bent one out, and made it work.  This is what we need to do on a more grand scale.  Straightened the nail and make it work. 

In reality, we don’t need the newest, the brightest and certainly not the most expensive.  It might also be a nice exercise for us to do on a macro scale - to “straighten and reuse the nail.”  Make it a habit to consistently ask “do I really need this?”  It will not only make us happier, more contented people, but will also help our economy, our society and our environment become healthier and more sustainable.

There’s not very many other things that unite men as much as facing evil head-on in war… today, I wanted to say a heart-felt, emotional and sincere thank you to all of those brothers who served before, with and after me.  I consider it one of the most significant pleasures of my life to have served with you in our nation’s military. 

Thank you for your service & brotherhood.

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

I know I say this every year – but again, I really can’t believe it’s almost Thanksgiving!  This year has flown by… seems like time speeds up as I get older, actually…

In preparation for the triptophan-laden day of feasting, thought I’d throw a few thoughts out there to help get my mind in the proper place to truly celebrate the day – shoot me your comments about it – I’d love to discuss with you…

- “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Cicero

- “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” – John F. Kennedy

- “The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” – William James

- “Saying thank you is more than good manners. It is good spirituality.” – Alfred Painter

- “To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action.” – Albert Schweitzer

- “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” G.B. Stern

… with that last quote in mind, may I please say thank you to all who have helped to shape my life.  Truly, I am grateful.

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ — James 4:13-15…

… and this is just what we know today.  Pretty humbling, huh?

Let’s face it… our world is LOUD!  It’s non-stop.  It’s ‘always-connected.’  It’s everyone.  Everywhere.  In your face.  From the moment we wake up, to those last few moments before drifting off.

Don’t you wish it would all just stop?  Just for a second? 

Is it any wonder why we are all so uncomfortable with it?  We yurn for it, but really – even the shortest moment of silence makes the vast majority of us uneasy.  We have to SAY something… we have to DO something.  

Think about it – when you’re in a group, or just you and one other person for that matter… just sitting still and not talking… not doing anything… it’s uncomfortable, huh?  But it’s something that we need so badly.

Try it.  When you’re next by yourself.  Sit still.  Be quite.  And think.  Ponder.  Think about the your life.  Your friends.  Your family. 

Then try it when you’re next with someone or even a group.  Suggest that you all take some time to think.  Don’t talk.  Don’t DO anything.  Sit still and think. 

Like I’ve experienced, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

It may be a cliché, but I really did first see her across a crowded room… at a club in fact… the Upside Down Club in Hollywood, California.  She had long hair, but wore it up.  She seemed to have a never-ending smile from ear to ear… which, by the way, had a sort of mesmerizing, trance-like aura, at least for me.  She was (and still is) the most joy-filled person I had ever met.  She has Filipino roots, which have graciously carved into her attributes such as honesty, loyalty and strength of character.  She’s a very strong woman, but with a soft, compassionate heart… one of the most compassionate hearts that I’ve ever seen.   While she was (and still is) physically one of the most beautiful creatures I’d ever met, it was her heart – the core of who she is – that had me at hello. 

Our courtship began with a date that I was late to, but which changed the course of both of our lives forever.  We had bar-b-que chicken pizza on the beach.  We stayed at the beach until after it was dark, and I, as I’m prone to do, lost my car keys in the sand of the sprawling Santa Monica Beach.  Not a good way to end a date that began with me being late.   And while I sincerely enjoyed sharing a picnic on the Beach with her, it was the happenchance mistake of losing my keys that led to the first of her many character-revealing moments… she decided to make a game out of finding my keys, turning an  understandably sour situation into a fun-filled adventure.  Needless to say, when I got home later than night, I told my roommate that I was going to marry this person… and soon. 

As our relationship developed, we continued to write each other special ‘love’ notes – sharing our inner-most thoughts and feelings – genuinely getting to know each other’s souls.   It was at one of my best-friend’s wedding that I asked her about exclusively dating each other… surrounded by a row of birch and mesquite trees.  It was a very memorable moment.

As our affection for each other continued to grow, we found ourselves inching closer and closer to engagement… something that – when I actually proposed – was one of the most exciting moments of my entire life.  I took her to Yamashiro’s – a high-end Japanese restaurant atop the hills of Hollywood.  They had a uniquely-manicured garden path from which you could see the Ocean… and we were there just as the sun was setting over the Pacific… it was at that time that I asked her, with a shaky voice and sweaty palms, to be my wife and partner for life.  Lucky for me (and both of you), she said yes.   We were both so excited he hardly touched what at least appeared to be an exquisite Japanese meal. 

The rest, as they say, is history.  Memorable moments throughout our lives since then include the birth of both of you boys – Cody through a 17-hour, natural birth, and Luke, an emergency C-section after having flipped in momma’s tummy just before it was time.  I also recall buying our first home in Sunland, California – a house which she made home for us.  Moving to snowy, cold and windy Wyoming, something that she did with grace and character.  Leading a church together in Wyoming.  Wild Horse Pass Resort in Chandler, Arizona.   An endless number of dates at Thai restaurants.  Religiously watching all episodes of Alias and Lost together.  (Ok, I admit it, Gina got me hooked on those shows – not the other way around.)  Camping out – and having to hold down our wind-blown tent from blowing away – more than once.   Getting sick on the boat ride to Catalina – but loving it. 

Boys, your mom and I have had the time of our lives over the past 11-12 years.  We’ve had our share of challenging times together – who hasn’t?  But the sum total of how much your mom has increased the value of our lives is completely immeasurable.  I simply would not be who I am professionally or personally without your mom.  You boys wouldn’t have the lives you live without her.  Her warmth.  Compassion.  Planning.  I would have never reached the professional stature or personal character without her. 

Some say that as a marriage relationship ages, you start to ‘become’ each other.  I can proudly and honestly say that she has successfully passed along part of herself onto me.  I feel as though her DNA has combined with mine. 

I hope and pray that both of you boys – Cody & Luke – have the extreme fortune of finding someone for yourselves like I have in your mom.   It will complete you, and make you a better person.  It has me.    

I ran across the following Alfred Lord Tennyson poem – one which I remember having to memorize in high school – and it rekindled a spark in me to both see the beauty of what has been, and pursue the opportunities that exist for tomorrow… I would encourage you to read this and ponder on it…

Come, my friends,
‘T is not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Nice Weezer video… enjoy.